The safety of a family

What does family mean to you? I hope it means safety, security and stability. I hope you know what it means to belong and to be accepted just for being you, not for what you do or what you bring but for just being ‘you’. A unique and valuable human ‘being’. Tragically though not all of us have this lived experience. This need might well be hidden right now but deep down in all of us is there is that profound desire to be seen, truly known and understood. Some of us have just not yet found our way to the table. Or even noticed a space to take up at the table. Some of us have not been welcomed. Some of us have been blocked. Some of us have not even been noticed. Some of us have been shunned. Some of us have had others take up our place….  

Since the pandemic I have observed a closing in. How bubbles we were told to create seem to have continued on despite our apparent freedoms. One of the significant costs of having lived through a season of fear. Fear always seems to linger on when it has been in the mix. The unwelcome guest that can drive so much of what happens, often without us ever even noticing.

It is not good for any of us to be alone. We are designed for dependency but even that can be frowned upon these days. Rather than dependency being seen as a necessary foundational building block developmentally, whatever our age, it is instead often seen as unhealthy.  Something to be avoided. Relationships can sometimes be abruptly ended in the name of co-dependency when actually the effort, the hard work of living together has dissipated and just cannot be challenged any further. Connection wasn’t ever intended to be easy but offered us a rich tapestry of togetherness and separateness that would grow us and develop us. But this is only possible when love is the driver, not fear. Fear confuses. Fear separates. Fear divides. Love is the glue that supports us all to thrive. It is not a mere sentimentality but a powerful force to be reckoned with. And love always wins.

In a society where family is often viewed as unobtainable how can we ensure that we all leave a space at our table? Radical hospitality is a must right now in terms of our community’s mental health and well being. Who might be on the periphery right now? Who might need to be included?  Who could we extend ‘family’ to? We could save a whole generation if this became our responsibility, our priority. We are interconnected after all…… The safety of a family.

Louise Michelle Bomber – August 2024