Being with
Living in the West can be lonely. Lonely especially when you are on the receiving end of relational trauma. Others can seem so preoccupied with their own busy lives. Rushing about from one engagement to the next, flicking through phone diaries too busy to see you this week but maybe a month from now when life might not be so busy…and so it goes on. The merry go round of busy.
Oblivious to the subtle changes in you. But you know. You don’t recognise yourself anymore. You sense yourself becoming smaller, more distant, even out of reach. The lack of sleep, the weight gain or loss, the extra hours at the office or the inability to get out of bed. Words tinged with a sadness, that carry an unspoken grief. The tears you blink away in the name of dust or the wind. The false smile that seems necessary to navigate the days ahead.
Many of us continue on in functional freeze because we have to. To pay the bills. To parent the children. To hold onto that treasured job that cost us so much even if it costs us all we have left now. We find a way to survive though a deep ache rages inside.
If only others could truly be with. Stop long enough to notice. Bodies find it hard to lie. To be seen by another human being, truly seen even by just one is a gift to those of us on this recovery journey. Quality moments where others show up and are physically and emotionally present. This ‘being with’ then becomes the gateway to genuine connection. A togetherness that brings healing simply by ‘being’.
One by one we have the potential to contribute to the mental health and well being of our nation. One by one we could be that life line. Being with. It doesn’t sound much. It doesn’t seem much. But connection is powerful and changes lives. Let’s not ever under estimate ‘being with’ one another. Slowing down enough to be present.
Louise Michelle Bombèr is a specialist teacher and therapist working in trauma recovery. She is the founder of TouchBase, an organisation that supports all those impacted by trauma. She longs for a community whereby all are truly included, sharing life with others who have different lived experiences of relationships. She is passionate about lifting society’s blindness to relational poverty.
Louise Michelle Bombèr – June 2024
