Helplines vs community living?
It’s that time of year when lists of helpful phone numbers are doing the rounds on Facebook in case there is anyone out there going through a hard time……Whilst helpful to have access to these professionals help lines, I do wonder whether those posting might also flag the importance of community too?
Worryingly within our culture we have got too accustomed to simply signposting others onto professionals, rather than ourselves getting too directly involved. We all live such busy lives after all. It takes a few seconds to post a list of numbers out there on social media. A conscience cleared. Job done.
That’s not to say that there isn’t a time and place for professional expertise. Of course there is. However, we are all equally important in terms of our human connectedness in relieving suffering, bringing comfort, facilitating joy, inspiring purpose and fostering belonging in others. Regardless of our age, our roles and our responsibilities we need one another to thrive in this life.
Of course, there is uncertainty around how much time might be needed if we ourselves were to reach out. We have our own family responsibilities after all and there never seems to be enough hours in the day to connect with ourselves, never mind our friends. Maintaining healthy boundaries has been a very helpful exit strategy communicated culturally up until now. I have to admit that I myself have used this as my defence over the years, in order to remain within my familiar, known network. Sometimes it just seems easier to simply retreat rather than to engage. However, where does this leave us in terms of community living? Does this mean we can only connect in with others on a professional basis now? Do we feel comfortable ourselves knowing that if we were in real, genuine need ever that all we would have on offer were some professional helplines?
I don’t believe this is what genuine community is. We are selling ourselves short. Was community living really meant to be just about my own family of birth and my chosen friends? If this is the case who was meant to check in on and do life with those on our periphery, who are also part of our community? Just because they are less known does this mean they have less value to us? What about checking in on the gentleman you know was widowed last year? What about popping by and offering some practical help to the single parent who lives on your street? How about offering some babysitting to those parents who desperately just need a breather right now? How about offering to do a shop for someone? How about offering a cup of coffee to a stranger? What about inviting someone who is alone this Christmas to join you at your family table? Let’s not make assumptions or immediately withdraw in the name of boundaries.
At the moment this kind of connection might be described as radical hospitality but it could just be normal if each of us started challenging the cultural beliefs and norms that have exacerbated isolation and a lack of belonging. Let’s reposition ourselves. We are all connected after all. We are better together. Let’s step out of what is familiar, common place within our culture and engage in genuine community living. Let’s model to those around us that it is possible to reset cultural norms and expectations. I’m not saying that this will be easy but it will be worth it for the sake of our fellow travellers.
Community living isn’t meant to be a job that we do. 9-5 Monday to Fridays. Term time only. It requires us resolving to remain open and engaged to whatever possible openings come our way. Maybe it also requires a different way of looking too?
Many years ago I was part of an online community called Generous. Sadly it doesn’t seem to exist anymore. I have tried to track it down. Whoever thought it up was a genius! It was a community that encouraged you to reach out in all kinds of ways to genuinely connect with others outside of your own circles. There were regular ideas presented that the community could pledge to do too. How about we create our own generous community? Are you in?
Yes it’s nearly Christmas. Please don’t close your doors…..
Louise Michelle Bombèr – December 2024